Journey through Foster care and adoption

Journey to completing our family

Venting with tears March 31, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — ilovelucy72 @ 2:30 am
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This past week has been one emotional roller coaster ride. There are days when I am ok with waiting for a call and then there are days like today when I just break down and mourn the fact that we do not have a child in our home. Yesterday my mother-in-law told me about a conference that was coming up this weekend that she thought we should attend. The conference is about adopting through international, domestic and fostering programs. Several adoption agencies will be there to talk about there programs. I looked into the conference and was excited about the possibilities that we could find. But as I thought about it more and more I knew that going to the event would just get my hopes up to much. What do I mean by this? For the past year I have researched domestic, international and foster/adopt programs. I know the in’s and outs of what each program is and how these programs would go with our own situation. I know right now we cannot afford domestic and international adoption. These programs would cost $20,000+. I so want to be a mom. I want to have a little one or two in our home. Today was not a good day. On my way home from work I cried and cried. Now I am not a crier by nature. I usually just vent my frustrations through other forms, such as eating, arguing or shutting down. But today I just kind of broke down. All these years of trying to have a baby and building our family just came crashing down. It is so frustrating!!!!!

We have not had any calls and are loosing hope that it will happen. We do have Sweetie coming in a few weeks but today I was thinking, ” Well Sweetie coming will be like a teaser, we get to have her for a weekend and then we have to give her back”. I just pray that I can look back on this post a year from now and know why we have had to go through all this. Infertility hurts. Just like that commercial that says depression hurts, infertility hurts. So, I dont think that we will be going to the conference. My mother in law says that we should go, because you never know what you will learn. She is absolutely right, but right now I don’t think that I can handle it. I don’t think that I have gone over the different programs on here and why each one presents its own rewards and challenges, so I think in the upcoming blogs I will go into each one of them more in depth. So, I know I am just ranting and venting today, but it feels good to get it out. I guess we will see what happens. I know not every day is going to be like today, but I hope that soon we will get a call. Until next time……

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